Competitiveness

I like to be competitive.

I don't like the feeling of losing and playing second fiddle to others.

Like what a football personality once said,

"If you are second, you are nothing."

The streak of competitiveness in me started since young. I always wanted to be the top few in terms of grades, and even if I came in second in class, I would try harder to get the first position the next year.

Okay in local context, that means kiasu.

I looked forward to exams because that is the time I could fare well and get recognition. Well, that desire for good grades lasted till I was primary 4, before it kinda went downhill.

I didn't work that hard anymore, and suddenly my grades didn't seem to matter to me that much. Luckily, I still fared well enough to get into Anglican High School.

But during my secondary education, my grades were nothing short of disastrous. I was always one of the last few in class and whenever there were remedial classes for students who fared badly, I was an ever-present.

That competitive streak in me did not die though; it just did not apply to academic grades that much anymore.

You only have to look to the times I play soccer to know that I like winning (who doesn't?).

Everytime we play badly and we get thrashed, humiliated, I get very frustrated.

If we lose because the opposition is better, I would be the first to admit defeat. But if we lose simply because we are not playing well and we are not doing anything to arrest that, it really gets to me.

Sometimes I lose my cool and scold my teammates, but that is only because I want us to win. I believe that whatever happens on the court, stays on the court. No one should carry any emotional baggage or grudges off it, or get personal with anyone.

So if you have been a victim of my tirades, don't take offence. Nothing personal at all. =)

And because I am ever so eager to play well and win, I am guilty of demanding the same from everyone else. It's hard for others to match my enthusiasm because of varying personalities, and I know that.

But it is just very upsetting when our team is being played out like clowns and we are not even reacting in a positive manner. It becomes even worse when everyone starts blaming each other and eventually, the whole team just stops playing.

I believe in having fun while you're competitive; there is absolutely no fun if I find myself losing every game and sitting outside the court, waiting agonizingly for our turn to play.

It's easy if we could just play relaxingly and win, but sometimes we're just not good enough to do that. It's a team game, and we really have to conform to one another's styles.


*The above entry is written for everyone who plays soccer with me. I love you all. World peace!