You probably have already guessed how did this blog address come about - I'm a firm believer that popcorn should come sweet! Popcorn that tastes savoury, to me, is just like Bee Bee tasting sweet, and saying that Pennant is a good crosser of the ball, im a good header of the ball, and the list goes on... Yeah but you get what I mean.
It hasn't been easy for me, I would say this is one of the most trying periods for me as well. The many tricky situations that arose, the ramifications, and for the parties involved in this. I know it has been particularly difficult for JL. To say that it was a rude shock for her would be a massive, massive understatement. Even I am surprised at how this all happened so you could imagine how she feels. To deal her such a heavy blow was what had been weighing on my mind all the while. It made me hold on, and it made me have the faith and belief that everything will turn out better and well after time.
In the end, I think it was more of procrastination and how it became the thief of time. When everyone tells me that they didnt see it coming at all, I wouldnt be surprised. I didnt think I would do all this anyway.
A step backward, forward, or sideways, I wouldnt know. Like what my brother told me, I made the step out and it was my own decision. No matter what happens, at least it was what I have decided and only I will know if its the right one in time to come. You never know if it was for the better or worse if you dont make any move at all. Think that really should sum up how I feel.
4 years 9 months and 18 days. It has become such a big part of my life that I feel weird without that special someone in it now. I never had a problem finding someone to share my thoughts with during this period. She has always been around, a companion, a confidante or a friend. The level of togetherness is something that only time would create, and yet it is exactly what time had taken away as well. Ironic isnt it?
I do feel lonely. I do feel lost at times. I'm getting better, but I guess it could be better. I know she's feeling a lot worse than me and it will take longer for her to recover. I met her this week and I thought she looked and felt better. I hope its not a facade and that shes doing all this just to make me feel better. I would want her to get on with life and move on to greener pastures more than anything else. I do not know if we will get together again. Well, that question should answer by itself, not something I should think about now.
I'm sure many of you are wondering what happened. We two look like the perfect, model couple to everyone. We seem the most likely to walk down the aisle and the least likely to part. All along, JL and I have had the same thought on this. Marriage was never on our mind because its too premature to even talk about that. I do not know if everyone around us was joking or if they really do mean it. I find it so absurd when I hear that everytime we go out together. My usual response? My perpetual smile to smile it off.
Not a single soul who knows about this told me they saw it coming. That's precisely what I did so wrong. I should have done better and saved her so much hurt and agony by telling her all so early. I have to say I am at fault for that and to drop such a huge bombshell on that night, it must have really hurt.
It had been an internal struggle all along. A thought that was buried deep within, until a catalyst came into the picture. How big an influence was the catalyst, I do not know. Maybe I know, but I do not want to face or accept the truth. I have had so many negative reactions and opinions from people that I start to question myself.
What have you got yourself into? Is this what you want? Do you think its worth it? Dont you think you are naive and stupid to be doing all this? Why are you abandoning your well laid path to take a step into the unknown and risk losing so much?
My parents are so concerned as well. My mum was so affected, she teared for a day when I broke the news to her. Every day, my parents would ask me how things are going and ask me to reconsider everything. Everytime I go out now, they would wanna know who im going out with but they are afraid that I would be irritated. Maybe that explains why they had to peep at who I sent home in the car one night. I am so amused yet exasperated at that. Haha.
Now, I think I will just take a step backward and take things as they come. To have expectations and dreams, it would only hurt too much. I do have them, but I think have to forsake them. Maybe when it all ends, I will convince myself that it was just a phase and it wasnt meant to be. I wish the best for everyone involved and may we end up happier and better than ever before.
1 comment:
Bro, I would say do not be overly conscious of what others think about your actions. Afterall, its your decision, your life. I wish you all the best and look forward, stay positive.
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