Facing the music

What happens when a train goes off the rails and proceeds to move on the wrong roads for a very long time?

It creates its own tracks and becomes so deeply entrenched that it's hard to get it out.

---

I know it's totally random, but I wanna do this.
This is how my monthly expenses look like:

Web hosting: $550
Salaries: $2000
Office rental: $330
Mobile broadband: $40
Other office expenses: $350

Insurance: $800
Parents' allowance: $1500
Personal expenses: >$1000

Estimated total: $6570


And that total amount is in red because its a net loss.
Frankly, that's a conservative figure already, because I easily spend more than that.

So if I do the math further,

1 year: $78,840
1.25 years: $98,550

And when you add in my country-building contribution (aka income tax), and my losses in my business for the past year or so, that figure tops $200,000.


Not exactly a figure I'm proud of, if you don't realize already.

They say its no use being so harsh on myself, because that wouldn't help much.
Maybe i'm past caring for myself already? Damn.

Now, I look back and think why I worked so hard previously, and these were my reasons:

• Taking care of my parents
• Proving a point
• Personal achievement
• Fear of getting a job again

Maybe I'm not cut out for this.

Maybe I'm just afraid of failing.

Maybe I'm afraid of being unable to replicate success.

Maybe I have too much pride to accept failure.

Maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist.

Maybe maybe maybe.

Running away isn't a solution.

The train can't run too far when its off the rails. 

Every lame solution that has been proposed has only been an excuse after an excuse.

At the end of the day, only one thing matters.

Doing what I should do.

The harsh truth

I might be a good listener...

but I suck at sharing my personal stuff.

不说出来，谁会明白。
说出来了，谁能明白？

可能不是需要明白，只是需要倾诉。

也许我只是突然累了

What do you want?

........

When falling is easier than staying...

Acknowledgement

This is a long overdue post for my friend of more than 15 years - Weiwen. I promised I will dedicate a post to him, and after being bugged for 38 times everyday, I decided to start writing. I really didn't have an idea of what I wanted to write, but I just know I had to do something for him before he leaves for dark and lonely Sri Lanka.

Buddy, this is for you. It won't be easy ploughing it out there, so whenever you need some company, you can visit my blog. Because this is home truly, and where you know you must be. Cheers to our BMW 6 Series. =)

---

Many many years ago, I bought a card. I still remembered I was with a couple of friends that day as we went to Planet Traveller at Marina Square. I know it's kinda weird to get a card there, but that was the only thing I got.

I wasn't in a good mood that day. To be honest, I can't remember what was my status back then (single or attached), but I was downcast, and feeling very lost about my relationship.

This is what's written on the card:

"Falling in love is easy,
but staying in love
is something very special."

When I decided to get the card, I wasn't sure who the recipient would be. There were 2 women in my life back then (not including my mum). It seemed like I could pass the card to either person, and yet it would still be equally apt.

In the end, I didn't pass it to anyone.

Just 30 minutes ago, I thought of it and took it out of my drawer. Don't ask me why the sudden remembrance or why this random post, I don't have an answer myself. It just struck me.

What's important is the message on the card, and its underlying meaning.

Humans are fickle creatures. We are prone to go after the latest shiny object, lust after the green-er grass on the other side of the field, crave for the fatter cow on the other farm, and as a closer-to-life example, fall for someone supposedly better than our current half.

It's very easy to fall in love. The thrill, the novelty, and the bright dawns that the new relationship brings all promise so much fun and goodness.

It's always easier to fall for change, than to stick around and hope for change. 


When your current half does not live up to your expectations, it's so tempting and easy to come across someone else who promises to fill up that void and fulfill your needs.

But falling is addictive... and dangerous.

New grounds are fragile, and not might not hold up well under pressure. And when you keep falling, eventually you will hit the ground hard when no one's there to catch your fall.

That said, there are times when its worthwhile to risk the fall though. But this is another topic for another day, and not at a right time for the author who's sleep-deprived.

Staying in love is hard, but it's definitely something very special.
Not everyone can achieve that, but those who can usually are the happiest and the most contented ones.

---

To whom it may apply to...

Maybe it was not meant to be, but whatever happens, happens for a reason.
You will emerge stronger from this, and I know you will be much better off.

You deserve better.

:)

梦醒时分

有些事情你现在不必问
有些人你永远不必等

Lemon Tree

I wonder how,
I wonder why.

*complete rest of chorus here*

---

Out for a jog

Simple truths - simple, yet true

Credits to 012

F.e.a.r

"The things we are I am afraid of, are the things that have already happened."

I don't want to worry think too much, and I don't want to bother care too much too...
But I just do it all the same.........

This is... ARGHHHHHHHHHHH

Stairway to _________

Stepping in is fun, enjoyable and addictive.

But the deeper i get in, the harder it is to get out.

I wonder where this is headed

Peek-a-boo

My fave hangout on Sat evenings

viva espana

I just got this water fountain

Because I wanted the sound of flowing water in my room

Bro, bro, cousin, cousin, cousin

KTV at Teo Heng!

有感而发

一个平凡的想法，只要肯付诸实践，都会比枯萎在内心的奇妙灵感有价值

http://www.doubao.me/2011/02/23/11/08/07

http://www.doubao.me/2011/02/22/17/51/20

然而很多时候，我们所做的事别人可能根本就没有看见，

或者看见了也不把它当回事儿，只是因为我们自己的幻想，

以为全天下的人都看着自己，给自己扛上天大的包袱，何苦呢？

http://www.doubao.me/2011/03/01/16/55/41

你有野心吗？

穷人缺什么

法国一位年轻人很穷，很苦。后来，他以推销装饰肖像画起家，在不到10年的时间里，迅速跻身于法国50大富翁之列，成为一们年轻的媒体大亨。不幸，他因患上前列腺癌，1998年去世。他去世后，法国的一份报纸刊登了他的一份遗嘱。在这份遗嘱里，他说：“我曾经是一位穷人，在以一个富人的身分跨入天堂的门槛之前，我把自己成为富人的秘决留下，谁若能通过回答‘穷人最缺少的是什么’而猜中我成为富人的秘诀，他将能得到我的祝贺—我留在银行私人保险箱内的100万法郎，将作为睿智地揭开贫穷之谜的人的奖金，也是我在天堂给予他的欢呼与掌声。”


遗嘱刊出后，有18461个人寄来了自己的答案。这些答案，五花八门，应有尽有。绝大部分的人认为，穷人最缺少的当然是金钱了，有了钱就不会再是穷人了。另有一部分人认为，穷人之所以穷，最缺少的是机会，穷人之所以穷是穷在“背时”上面。又有一部分人认为，空人最缺少的是技能，一无所长所以才穷，有一技之长才能迅速致富。还有的人说，穷人最缺少的是帮助和关爱桀骜不驯漂亮桀骜不驯名牌桀骜不驯总统的职位等等。


在这位富翁逝世周年纪念日，他的律师和代理人在公证部门的监督下，打开了银行内的私人保险箱，公开了他致富的秘诀，他认为：穷人最缺少的是成为富人的野心。


在所有答案中，有一位年仅9岁的女孩猜对了。为什么只有这位9岁的女孩想到穷人最缺少的是野心？他在接受100万法郎的颁奖之日说，“每次，我姐姐把她11岁的男朋友带回家时，总是警告我说不要有野心！不要有野心！于是我想，也许野心可以让人得到自己想得到的东西。


谜底揭开之后，震动法国，并波及英美。一些新贵翁在就此话题谈论时，均毫不掩饰地承认：野心是永恒的“治穷”特效药，是所有奇迹的萌发点，穷人之所以穷，大多是因为他们有一种无可救药的弱点，也就是缺乏致富的野心。

http://www.doubao.me/2011/02/24/20/18/22

－－－

这个故事是我爸刚才跟我说的。
我想他是看出来我越来越懒散了，失去了我从前的野心。

有了野心，人才会前进。
有了野心，人才会成功。

－－－

亲爱的野心，


我知道你还在，只是暂时迷失了方向。

我发誓我会找到你的！


敬，
阿伟

Book-crazy

I had a lecturer who once said he always gets really excited when he enters a bookstore. I still recall that when I first heard him say that, I thought he was a bit of a weirdo (and subsequently didn't bother to pay much attention to his lectures).

But now, I think I feel the same way as him. haha!

In 2 days, I bought 10 books from Popular and Borders. In fact, since the start of the year, I have already bought more than 30 books (maybe like 95% non-fiction)!

And yes you probably guessed it, I haven't read all of them. Actually I think I've only read 2-3 out of those 30.

I'm not sure if it's just me, but I usually do not finish reading books. While there are a few that I do read in their own entirety, almost every book does not attract me long enough to let it run its course.

When I have my own house in the future, I will have a huge book cabinet/shelf that will fill up an entire wall.

Like this,

or this...

bookshelf porn (how aptly named)

Some of my recent purchases,




=)

----

About my getaway, I've started talking to people for ideas and their experiences. And I also bought 2 Lonely Planets, and 2 Rough Guides (though its unlikely I will finish reading them).

Thanks for the suggestions everyone!
I will let you know when I take the plunge.

=))

The thing that makes it popular...

The thing that makes it popular...might be precisely the thing that keeps it from working.

Chatroulette was popular because you might randomly see some horrible naked guy. It was like a train wreck attracting rubberneckers. But the very attraction that drew a crowd also ensured it would never be seen as a serious tool.

That kid in school that everyone cheers on as he works to become a class clown might appear popular, but it's certainly getting in the way of his being taken seriously enough to get into college.
I'd argue that the same thinking applies to the way you first encounter someone. You can certainly be over the top enough to get a handshake or even a meeting, but the thing that got you that meeting might be exactly what costs you the deal.

There are a hundred ways you and your organization can become more popular, earn more clicks, generate more comments... but is popular what you're after?

Taken from Seth's Blog: The thing that makes it popular...

It's time...

I will never recover from my illness if I stay put here.

So I've decided...

I'm going overseas for a getaway.

Sometimes we just need to get away from it all

A place where I can find my "inner peace",
to clear things out of my mind,
and to start afresh on all levels.

What do you recommend?

这个阴谋让我好惭愧

对我好对我好好到无路可退
可是我也很想有个人陪
才不愿把你得罪于是那么迂回
一时进一时退保持安全范围
这个阴谋让我好惭愧
享受被爱滋味却不让你想入非非
就让我们虚伪
有感情别浪费
不能相爱的一对
亲爱像两兄妹
爱让我们虚伪
我得到于事无补的安慰
你也得到模仿爱上一个人的机会
残忍也不是慈悲
这样的关系你说多完美
眼看你看著我看得那么暧昧
被爱爱人原来一样可悲
为甚么竟然防备别人给我献媚
不能推不能要要了怕你误会
让我想起曾经爱过谁
我所要的她不给好像小偷一样卑微
就让我们虚伪
有感情别浪费
不能相爱的一对
亲爱像两兄妹
爱让我们虚伪
我得到于事无补的安慰
你也得到模仿爱上一个人的机会
残忍也不是慈悲
这样的关系你说多完美

Paying it forward =)