It creates its own tracks and becomes so deeply entrenched that it's hard to get it out.
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I know it's totally random, but I wanna do this.
This is how my monthly expenses look like:
Web hosting: $550
Salaries: $2000
Office rental: $330
Mobile broadband: $40
Other office expenses: $350
Insurance: $800
Parents' allowance: $1500
Personal expenses: >$1000
Estimated total: $6570
And that total amount is in red because its a net loss.
Frankly, that's a conservative figure already, because I easily spend more than that.
So if I do the math further,
1 year: $78,840
1.25 years: $98,550
And when you add in my country-building contribution (aka income tax), and my losses in my business for the past year or so, that figure tops $200,000.
Not exactly a figure I'm proud of, if you don't realize already.
They say its no use being so harsh on myself, because that wouldn't help much.
Maybe i'm past caring for myself already? Damn.
Now, I look back and think why I worked so hard previously, and these were my reasons:
- Taking care of my parents
- Proving a point
- Personal achievement
- Fear of getting a job again
Maybe I'm not cut out for this.
Maybe I'm just afraid of failing.
Maybe I'm afraid of being unable to replicate success.
Maybe I have too much pride to accept failure.
Maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist.
Maybe maybe maybe.
Running away isn't a solution.
The train can't run too far when its off the rails.
Every lame solution that has been proposed has only been an excuse after an excuse.
At the end of the day, only one thing matters.
Doing what I should do.
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