Lack. of. focus

I find it hard to focus on things nowadays, and this lack of focus is even extending out to the things I like. The fact I'm even talking about this is because I find it kinda disturbing, and for better or for worse, I really do not know.

When I go for classes, I find it hard to concentrate and pay attention to what the lecturer is saying. I can focus for a few minutes, but I just drift off after a wee bit.

And then I tell myself that its just because the module is boring, the content is too heavy. But I have since realised that this is not just evident in class, its spreading to almost every aspect of my life.

Soccer sites used to be always the first thing I load when I go online. At my insane peak, I could load the same site like every hour, just to check for updates. Okay this only happens when I'm reaaaaaally bored.

But now, at times I even forget to visit the site, which is a far cry from the past. Even when I read football related news, I am no longer that enthusiastic. What used to be rabid fervor, has now been toned down on a large scale. Sure, football still keeps me going, but its really just one of the many events that made me realise there's something different.

That might not be the best analogy, but there are other events.

I don't have the patience to finish reading the papers.
I find going to class a chore.
I view too many things as distractions.
I enjoy the times I'm out, but when I'm back, it feels empty.

In a nutshell, I don't really feel I have a keen passion for anything.

Then I wonder what is the cause of this.

I wasn't happy when I was still at my previous job, because honestly, that has gotta be one of the worst jobs around.

In terms of level of contentment, I'm a lot better off now because I am really my own boss.

But, even if I'm making more money than before, even if I'm so much more carefree now, I still find something lacking.

I look around and I observe what drives people in life. Some people are driven by money, some are served by goals, some for love and friendship, some seek solace in religion, and the list goes on. I'm intrigued by the respective motivation that each unique individual thrives on, and I understand what makes one happy, really might not apply to another.

Let me know if the above entry does not make a wee bit of sense.

*Off in pursuit of what completes me..