Saturday, November 15, 2008

Some help/advice/suggestions needed

Because I realise I have got pretty responsive readers, I thought I could seek some advice from you regarding a knotty problem that a friend of mine has. I know this is lengthy, but if you could take some time out to read this, I would appreciate it. =)

Background:
She is a pleasant girl, and a very filial one at that too. Besides having to juggle work, school, tutoring classes, and the occasional outing here and there, she also makes it a point to dedicate a large part of her time to her family, and spending time at home.

On days where she does not have to go to work or class, which is really rare by the way, she makes sure that the household chores are well taken care of, before she even contemplates going out. Many a time, the hectic pace of her life would leave her all drained and catching for breath, while her current balance of work, family, studies threatens to boil over and lose all equilibrium.

Now, if time management was the only issue here, she would be doing just fine. But it's another matter altogether when she has obviously tried her best, but it still falls way short of the lofty expectations that her mum has in place.

Her mum is one who holds dearly to the belief that if you are not at work or class, you should be back home.

Regardless that school is in the western part of Singapore, and home is at the opposite end almost, and travelling takes at least 2 hours.

Regardless that its a weekend, and the only day of the week where she can finally afford to relax.

Regardless that she has been in the workforce for many years, and is more than mature to think for herself.

Restrictions are not limited to the amount of time she spends outside, but also on the company and the reason. Her mum would question her who is she out with, why is she out, why is she hanging out with this particular person, and the list goes on. If her mum can put a name to the face of the person that she is hanging out with, and it also happens that she does not have a good impression of the guy, she would blatantly voice her disapproval.

When she is back late, her mum would scold her and sometimes, the grammar that she uses is not the most pleasant. Sometimes, it's almost baffling to know that your mum would use this kind of language on you. If you think that is bad, it was even worse a couple of years back, when she had strict curfews imposed.

She's a really strong girl, but sometimes, the poor girl would be so overwhelmed by her mum's overbearing and unreasonable demands that she would just collapse. She has a sister, and the both of them are at their wits end trying to improve this situation.

I've tried to offer my help by doing whatever I could, even though my help is seriously academic. All I can do is to offer my personal suggestions and advice, but it does not really apply to her case. The problem really lies with her mum, and not anything else. Her mum is a housewife, and I figure that is where the entire problem lies. She has no one to talk to while at home, and the only avenue where she can vent her frustration is on her two daughters. She feels bored when no one's at home, so she can't wait for her daughters to come home and accompany her.

Sure, that's only my conjecture, but I do feel pretty strongly that is the underlying reason. So, I'm asking you to offer your much appreciated comments and advice, because she really deserves better.

If you have had any experience, or heard of anything similar, please be generous and contribute your two cents worth. Heck, even if you only had one cent to spare, I would take that too.

7 comments:

drew said...

get the mom a pet. something that doesnt require too much cleaning up.

like a hamster/mouse/guinea pig/guppy/turtle/rat/crocodile/shredder/splinter/bebop/rock steady...

Unknown said...

Can daddy help out in this matter?

If cant, is mother feelin stressed or having problems with herself?

Try to find out what are her concerns and explain your situation to her.

It might take awhile for her to understand, but at least you try?

In this case, it is impt that u voice out for urself. As you are the one who decides how u wish to live your life.

mel said...

sounds like my mum..

i just ignore her though.. prentend to listen in to watever she's toking abt.. then just throw them away after..

dont bother answering back to her.. or retaliating...

retaliation is futile.. just dont care.. and once she said her piece.. she'll shutup and be gone...

yay!!!

but thats just me.. LOL

chua said...

if is me, I'll have a big quarrel with my mum. because the more you restrict me, the more i'll repel. till such a extend, i'll just leave home. i am 23 years old not 5. we love our mum. life is short. we must experience our life, our dreams. mum should get out of the house too. there's more beautiful stuffs out in this world. of cos, we must accompany our mum too. not neglecting their love for us, since the day we are born.

but in a nicer way. i'll talk to her nicely.
i'll tell her. "Mummy, i want to tell you that i really love you. i know you love me very much. but i am 23 i need to fulfill alot of things in life. i only live once. i need to experience life. do you still remember the times when u are young? doesnt mean i go out i don't love you, i still love you the most. etc"

maybe, if i cant talk face to face to her. i'll make a emotional video, to make a feel it..

Shaun Png said...

who's this girl to you? haha. ok.

actually try not to ignore the mum. sometimes i ignore my mum and i feel sad about it.

try to get the mum out of the house. like working part-time. go do volunteer work etc. mum needs to socialise. it seems like a typical symptom of it + an over concerned mum..

Anonymous said...

swee!
i know im late.
but better late than never!

i know who you're talking about
haha

but seriously, my mums the same.
they just cant let go.
communication was something that was lacking for my case.
so it was actually conveyed thru sms.
my mum thinks i hate her.
i just told her, i dont hate you.
but you got to start treating me like an adult.

and so.
the rest was history.

things are much better now!

sometimes, you need to speak up.
because they won't know how you feel.
and they're so used to controlling.

good luck! ;)

Swee said...

Better late than never :)
And what makes you think you know who im talking about? Haha.
Anyway, thanks!